December 30, 2010
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icy morning
I have been up for awhile. thinking (not good), reflecting on life and ‘stuff’, praying, reading. I wonder about this life on earth. How did I end up here? ( i know it is about my choices!). The longing for the quieter, less rushed, less hassled life. the yearning to run to the wilderness and be alone with garden, books, yarns, journals, and quiet. I would not give up my children or the life lessons learned. but the journey with people has not been to my liking. if my husband should ever die i will not marry again. i have ‘lost’ what i thought were friends over the years and have decided that relationships aren’t worth it right now. i have been in the church most of my adult life and it keeps getting harder ~ they keep walking all over me, trampling what i thought i had to give. so i don’t give right now in any aspect. it is not easier now, and i wonder if 2011 is going to much more difficult. the economy, prices of necessary material items, food, gas, the journey. it appears to be like an icy morning ~ treacherous, slippery, potential for out of control falling and sliding. it is the out of control that is scary to most of us, that keeps us from venturing out into the ice. not that i ever had much control to begin with. it seems it doesn’t matter what i think, and that is the growing up part on an icy morning.
Comments (2)
Where you are right now is not an uncommon place to be. I have been there, and so have many others. It really does matter what you think. Your thoughts reflect not only the circumstances you face, but also the way you feel about them. These times of dryness, of loneliness, of futility, or of despair are the very times when God is there for you. Turn to the Book of Philippians, chapter 4, for starters; and read verses 6 thru 8. (Then read the whole book after your mind begins thinking on “those things.”)
People will let you down – or at least they will not know how to help you. Money will feel good when it comes and takes some of the pressure off – but then it brings more worry that it will not be there for you later on. The Lord is faithful. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness! Look for those things that are worthy of your attention and they will comfort and strengthen you….it may take time to develop this, but the Holy Spirit is speaking to you right now, leading you into all truth.
Grace and peace be with you beginning again now, and continuing forever.
I need to write you a message but I’m working this weekend. This summer I was convicted to make some changes about faith and who I was to seek fellowship with. I wanted to be in a place where faith is alive and the power of God real. I was tired of being around those that talked about it. I have not written much about it yet as I’m still learning and being challenged more. At times, I know I’m suppose to listen that speak or write at times.
I am so excited for 2011!!! I rejoiced in the changes of 2010 after the summer of conviction that I finally yeilded to in growing in faith. I must get to sleep but I look fw to writing and fellowshipping with you online.